My only Olympic-related post

I think that if women can lust openly over swim teams, then it's only fair if I hold a competition for the best-looking player in the Olympic soccer tournament. (This should be a great post for those of you who like your women sporty.)

Here are some of my nominees.

Johanna Almgren, Sweden

Johanna's profile says she also enjoys handball. Punch line omitted for decency.

Rhian Wilkinson, Canada

She gains half a point in my book for having a fairly detailed blog, but loses it again for using Papyrus.

Merissa Smith, New Zealand

Really, you shouldn't take any soccer tournament too seriously if New Zealand gets to participate.

Heather Mitts, USA

It's tough to pick a standout for the US team because Lindsay Tarpley and Amy Rodriguez also fill me with patriotic fervor.

Andreia, Brazil

Had to get a goalkeeper in here to represent.

I'd tell you about Northern Ireland's cutie captain Aine McGovern if her side had qualified for the Olympics.

Piracy is bad, m'kay

Some contemptable scoundrels have uploaded all of two very entertaining movies, Shaolin Soccer and Cannibal! The Musical onto Google Video.

I would never condone such an action and that's why I'm not linking to them. Shame on you if you use the search feature to find them.

Scandalous.

Latest anti-dentite news

What makes a man become a dentist? Lust for gold? Power? Or is he just born with a heart full of dentistry?

Whatever it is, dentists seem to have a mad compulsion to evade their taxes, like Dr. Wesley Bowden of Dallas.

In pre-trial motions, Dr. Bowden referred to prosecutors and IRS agents as “inland pirates” which “kidnapped” him during his arrest in April on the criminal charges. “I have been forced into a foreign court by deceptive trade practices, threat, duress and coercion,” he wrote. He also says he is not a tax protester, but someone who wants tax law applied legally, and refers to Texas as an “independent nation of free Christian white men like me.”

Sounds just like a guy I would trust to wield sharp objects near my face.

An exercise in line-drawing

For the curious: I have settled into my apartment in Boise and will be unpacking over the next couple of days… well, probably weeks. If you're in Boise and you want to see me, let me know.

Now then, you lawyers in the crowd may remember the difference between malum in se and malum prohibitum in criminal law. The former are crimes that are inherently evil, such as murder and arson and what-have-you, and the latter are crimes that are just against the law and not necessarily evil, like public urination or impersonating a 4-H officer.

I wonder if the same distinction can be drawn in sports, with the former being "dirty" and the latter being "just smart play." Has a basketball player who flopped to draw a charging foul committed a "evil" act, or was he just bending the rules a little? Is a hockey player who likes to score with his skates in the crease a "dirty" player? I think that the line between "dirty" and "smart" can be drawn largely along the lines of whether the actions are likely to cause major injuries, although there are a few exceptions: for instance, a soccer player who falls over in the penalty box is a dirty player because his actions are so likely to change the outcome of the game.

Sun rises in east, Pope Catholic, "Handmaid's Tale" inaccurate prediction of future

I was going to write a long post here about how the proposed HHS regulation regarding the definition of abortion is very limited in scope and wouldn't really affect anyone's ability to get birth control or IUDs, but why bother? Nothing I write here is going to convince anyone that the reason lots of people are crying "Wolf!" here is because they aren't trained to tell the difference between a wolf and a Saint Bernard, and nothing you write in reply is going to convince me that what I think is a Saint Bernard is actually a wolf.

I'd say I'm "reflecting" but isn't that just the "spiritual but not religious" way of saying "prayer?"

And in the words of someone I've forgotten (Billy Connolly?), "Saying 'I'm spiritual, but not religious' is like saying 'I'm scared of dying, but I can't be arsed to go to church.'"

Anyhow, the bar and my birthday have come and gone, and I'm doing what I customarily do at this time (well, customarily after my birthday. I hope I don't have to take the bar enough times for it to become a custom): I ask myself, "Was this The Year I Hit Rock Bottom?"

Probably not. Yes, some crummy things happened, I lived in a very unpleasant apartment, I got turned down for some jobs, I realized I'm probably never going to see that insanely hot girl who works at the Moscow Baskin-Robbins ever again. But I got a degree that could prove valuable. I lost another five pounds without even trying. I figured out which of my law school friends are probably going to remain friends for life and which are probably just going to be occasional Facebook contacts. So it looks like 2001-2002 will remain The Year I Hit Rock Bottom for now.

Next year has the potential to be The Year I Hit Rock Bottom, if I can't get a job or if I failed the bar or if I was wrong about which friends would stick with me or if the Cubs win the World Series (I need them to continue losing to validate my worldview). Otherwise, it might just be The Year I Shift Out Of Neutral.

We who are about to test salute you

The bar starts in an hour and a half. In case I don't make it… I'm leaving you a gift.

Yes, I'm letting you all have the ringtones I've created. Great gift, huh? To use them, you'll need a phone that can play MP3 ringtones and some means of transferring them to your phone from your computer, such as Bluetooth.

Now, back to listening to Swedish metal bands for inspiration.