But things are still going well for Empire Man and Menards Guy

If you haven't spent substantial time in the Midwest or watched a lot of WGN, then the name Bob Rohrman probably doesn't mean much to you. But if you are a member of one of those demographics, you read the name "Bob Rohrman" and thought, "Hey, Bob ROOOOOOOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHRman of used car commercial fame!"

Well, Bob of used car commercial fame became suspicious that his wife was seeing another guy, and he's resorted to the archaic remedy of suing the other man for alienation of affection. This is the sort of suit you might have won before 1950 or so, but I would be shocked if he got his money's worth for this lawsuit.

I think Bob knows this. Many divorcing people think that a divorce order is supposed to be a judicial order that proclaims that you are a good person and your ex is a bad person, and they're willing to pay extra to make a futile attempt at getting such an order. Of course, in most occasions, if you're blowing through money in a futile attempt to get vengeance, that may, in fact, make you... a bad person.

Not news per se, but I missed it in '02

Science has taken another step towards creating birds that don't sing until a reasonable hour and mosquitos that choke on human blood: they've developed goats that produce spider silk.

The method by which they do it has a lot of potential for pornographic parody filmmakers.

Photos: Reno

I went to Reno with the rollergirls and here are the pictures I took.

A human tragedy

Now that Michael Jackson is allegedly dead, it's time for every pundit to reflect What Went Wrong. My theory: surrounded by syncophants all his life who continually took advantage of him, he overreacted to criticism and sought to hide beneath an ever-changing face, among the children he thought he could trust. But I'm probably wrong. All I know is that he's one of the few musical artists ever to make truly effective use of the orchestra hit.

Why not watch "Louis, Martin, and Michael," Louis Theroux's documentary on Jackson (which ends up being more about the people who have made Jackson what he was)?

Megachurches reek of awesomeness!

I'm almost tempted to move to Minnesota just so I can join the Edge Christian Worship Center.

I'm sure the correct answer can be found in "Clash of the Titans"

Legend has it that Perseus killed Medusa by getting himself a mirrored shield, and instead of looking at Medusa directly during the fight, he looked at her reflection in the shield.

I have no idea how this worked logistically.

If Perseus held the shield in front of him like most warriors held their shields, he probably wouldn't have been able to see much of the reflection (unless the shield was constructed of some metal that was designed to reflect up, a la black patent leather shoes).

Maybe he had a segmented shield, with various panels at various angles causing a series of reflections that would render Medusa visible. Of course, that shield probably wouldn't do him much good in combat.

The only other option I can think of is that Perseus walked backwards towards Medusa while holding the shield up over his head at an angle, like when you're trying to see the back of your head with a hand mirror and a bathroom mirror, and then when he got real close, he closed his eyes, spun around with his sword drawn, and slashed Medusa in half. This plan would fail spectacularly if Medusa was capable of any sort of fighting apart from her curse powers.

I think the "Medusa saw her own reflection and turned herself to stone" variation of the myth was designed to compensate for that narrative shortcoming.

I bet they have nightmares of the bird from the Trans Am hood decal attacking them

Do you remember visiting Grandma's house and finding her closet full of old boxes and coffee cans? Do you remember how she asked you to remove the wrapping paper on your Christmas presents very carefully so that she could re-use the paper next year?

Do you sometimes wonder what would happen if Grandma applied her Depression-fostered thrift to her car?

She'd probably post at Ecomodder, where the Bizarro "Big Daddy" Roths go to soup down their cars in an overzealous pursuit of gas mileage.

"But isn't that a laudable goal?" you ask. I guess you haven't clicked on the link yet, have you? Check their "65+ Vehicle modifications for better fuel economy," where you can learn how to drive happily without power steering, rearview mirrors, windshield wipers, or alternators.

Or perhaps you could benefit from one of their "100+ hypermiling / ecodriving tips to increase gas mileage." Here's one I'll be sure to try:

25) Pick up cargo "high", deliver "low"

If possible, shop at stores that are higher in elevation than your home. That way the extra weight you pick up (shopping items) is on board for the descending return leg where it's less of a penalty than it would be on an ascending return leg.

Maybe if crunchy-haired freegan chicks are your thing, then it's all worthwhile, but I think most guys would prefer the redheaded hot rod honey in fishnet stockings. (Me? I drive a Buick. I attract women over 35 like nobody's business.)