Thursday, October 30, 2008

Remember to put orange tape on your costume so drivers can see you

Well, here's hoping you have a heart-poundingly terrifying Halloween. Wait, no. That's a little too scary, not quite jocular enough. How about a frightful Halloween? Or a ghoulish Halloween?

Anyway, here's your Halloween film clip, and I will warn you right now that I am likely to do this if you ever eat at IHOP with me.

Tuesday, October 28, 2008

That dog must be so confused

In my attempt to become rationally ignorant of current affairs, I've had to turn to other sources of entertainment.

Like East German musicals.

What's German for "WTF?" Spotter's badge to Daimnation.

Thursday, October 23, 2008

Frances Farmer has her revenge

It's not a good year to be a Washington sports fan.

The Huskies are 0-9. The Cougars are 1-7 and have become the first D1 team ever to give up 60 points four times in a season. The Seahawks are 1-5. The Mariners lost over 100 games. And the SuperSonics no longer exist, having doubly insulted the city by 1. moving to Oklahoma City, of all the goddamn places, and 2. changed their name to the "Oklahoma City Thunder," of all the goddamn team names. They sound like a USL-2 team. Couldn't they have been the "Oklahoma City Placeholders" until they came up with something better?

At least there's a glimmer of hope for WSU basketball.

Tuesday, October 21, 2008

I haven't pawned my camera for desperately-needed cash


New pictures here, featuring roller derby, Fort Boise, and the brand new feature, "Boise Hearts Papyrus."

Monday, October 20, 2008


(Discussing a disagreement)

"But you guys, you were completely on the other end of the -- of the speculum."

Thursday, October 16, 2008

Didn't happen, but should've

Sen. Dodd: Shame on you bankers. How did your greed and avarice cause you to act so stupidly? Where did you get the idea that you could go around giving out subprime and adjustable-rate mortgages to the needy?

Banker: From you, okay?!? I learned it from watching you!

Monday, October 13, 2008

The Ancient Art of Conversation

Roman writer Plutarch put together a book called Quaestiones Conviviales, which was supposed to help hosts of dinner parties get exciting conversations started. It's available on line, of course, and I'm going to take a stab at some of Plutarch's questions.

Why is it forbidden to give and receive gifts from one's spouse?
Because it's such a pain to sort them out when they get divorced.

Why do men returning home from the country or from abroad send ahead to tell their wives they are coming?
To give her time to send her lovers away.

Why do they adopt the month of January as the beginning of the new year?
Because the weather is miserable and the people need a reason to celebrate, and there are no other holidays in the month (apart from the birthday of M. Luterus Rex the Younger).

Why did Quintus Metellus forbid divination from birds after August?
Because the birds had all flown south for the winter by then.

Why, when they gave a public banquet for men who had celebrated a triumph, did they formally invite the consuls and then send word to them requesting them not to come?
Because you should always take any opportunity you get to totally burn the consuls. Seriously, they're such dicks.

Why were patricians not allowed to live near the Capitoline Hill?
Patricians? Shit. There goes the neighborhood...

So, do you think I'd be a hit at the villas of Pompeii?

Thursday, October 9, 2008

How lookist of me

On tonight's episode of "My Name Is Earl," David Arquette discovered that after the passage of ten years, his ex-girlfriend had gone from being good-looking to being freakish-looking, and he didn't take it very well.

Coincidentally, I had the same reaction immediately after the episode ended and Molly Shannon appeared on my TV.

Tuesday, October 7, 2008

Kids these days!

I should probably not be allowed to have children, given that the experts say that you're supposed to show them affection sometimes and I don't "do" affection.

Nevertheless, if someone insists I reproduce, I'm ready, because I'll have the help of Best Parent Ever. Maybe I won't be able to provide a nurturing environment to my offspring, but I will know where to get them Scandinavian highchairs and Indian homework drones.

(But I have been talked out of getting them pet owls.)

Sunday, October 5, 2008

Derby-Related Post

Yesterday the Treasure Valley Rollergirls hosted the Jet City Bombers. They eked out a 114-110 victory. I credit it to how they threw our entire team for a loop by not choosing Queensrych√ę's "Jet City Woman" as their intro music.

Mark your calendars - next bout is November 1.

Friday, October 3, 2008

What are you, my personal secretary?

I know that Bibguy is usually your source for coach meltdowns, but as he doesn't follow soccer, I'll have to take responsibility to bring you a link to new Newcastle boss Joe Kinnear at his first press conference.


It is going to my fucking lawyers. So are about three others. If they can find something in it that is a court case it is going to court. I am not fucking about. I don't talk to fucking anybody. It is raking up stories. You are fucking so fucking slimy you are raking up players that I got rid of.