Thursday, August 30, 2007

Don't get those licenses just yet

Curious fact: if this decision withstands appellate review, Iowa will become the first state to allow same-sex marriage without allowing first cousin marriage.

Tuesday, August 28, 2007

Topic of the Day

How did Senator Craig manage to keep this quiet for two months?

Well, at least I've learned that you should never tap your feet when you're on the can.

Saturday, August 25, 2007

Beating a metaphor to death

I have occasionally heard people describe promiscuous young women as "the town bicycle." The joke being that, like a communal bicycle, everyone gets a ride (i.e. sex).

However, I have never actually been to a town which has a town bicycle, and I'm not entirely sure how it would work. I picture the intersection of Main Street and Lincoln, Anytown, U.S.A. There is an island in the middle of the road, with flowers and a statue of someone important, or perhaps a veterans' memorial. At the base of the statue sits a lone Huffy ten-speed. The sign above it reads "Town Bicycle - Please return it when you are done." Alternatively, the bicycle may be available for check-out at the local library.

Sadly, liability concerns have forced the town to consider abandoning the town bicycle scheme. But it was a glorious tradition while it lasted.

Wednesday, August 22, 2007

Son, be a dentist / You'll be a success

Since Lindsey's Legal Adventures isn't around any more, I thought I'd pick up her slack by covering the latest in anti-dentite news.

In Washington, a dentist got his insurance company to cover the cost of a settlement after he put boar's tusks on one of his assistants during a procedure and snapped a photo.

And in New Hampshire, a dentist and her husband have barricaded themselves inside their house rather than go to jail for failure to pay taxes.

For whatever reason, a lot of these dentists don't pay their taxes. Here's one in California, one in Utah, and one in Florida.

Saturday, August 18, 2007

Love! Hate! Revenge!

I remember when Fox first started doing NFL broadcasts and decided to put the score in a little box in the corner of the screen all the time. Everybody was like "Whoa" and all the other networks started doing it.

I think it's time for something like this to take root in soap operas. Instead of having characters recite clumsy expositionary speeches, why not just put a bar at the bottom of the screen that says "DENISE IS TRYING TO BREAK UP BEN AND STEPHANIE'S MARRIAGE"?

Thursday, August 16, 2007

As if you cared

I went to Pullman on Sunday and took some pictures.

Monday, August 13, 2007

Mr. Potter will pay fifty cents on the dollar

Second Life, the slow-loading MMORPG that's become host to every perversion on the Internet, has been rocked by a bank closing. Apparently they didn't have enough real-life money to cover all the fake money that was deposited there.

It's time for the Great Virtual Depression! Watch for the six-breasted hermaphrodite foxes standing in line at virtual soup kitchens.

Saturday, August 11, 2007

First Germany, tomorrow Transylvania!

From a Facebook event:

Join us the 27th-28th of October in the only good haunted house that Moscow has to offer. Following in the footsteps of Moscow Massacre, this years house will push the envelope of what the audience can handle. Set during the second World War, you will encounter the horrors of conflict and the atrocities of the Nazi party. There are no limits and there is no script. You will be scared and you will be ill after attending.

I can see it now. There you are, goose-stepping along the Champs-Elysees, when all of a sudden a zombie jumps out at you! Then they turn on the smoke machine. OH NO, IT'S ZYKLON-B!

The whole thing ends with Hitler doing the Monster Mash.

Thursday, August 9, 2007

Recipe for funny

1. Cue up some music. I recommend "Yakity Sax" or "Ride of the Valkyries."
2. Play this video.

Wednesday, August 8, 2007

The greatest of all time


Career Home Runs By Players Who Have Never Won The World Series

1. Barry Bonds, 756
2. Sammy Sosa, 604
3. Ken Griffey Jr., 589
4. Harmon Killebrew, 573
5. Rafael Palmeiro, 569
6. Willie McCovey, 521
6. Ted Williams, 521
8. Ernie Banks, 512
9. Alex Rodriguez, 500
10. Jim Thome, 490

Saturday, August 4, 2007

I Love Otke Notive

I've reported before about cranky hobbyists who invent new ways to make life more rational - witness the invented alphabets, or the 28-hour day.

It has come to my attention that a 19th-century utopian, Stedman Whitwell, invented a more rational way to name cities, based on their latitude and longitude.

If I'm following his system correctly, I was born in Obit Ravid, Iowa and raised in Odit Rouvof. I go to law school in Omof Abeevout, Idaho. Tomorrow morning I will be flying from Ybad Akouvuf, Alaska, to Onim Adevar, Washington.

It all sounds like something from the Book of Mormon to me.

Friday, August 3, 2007

Last of the photos

I'm leaving Alaska on Sunday, and I've posted the last of my Alaska pictures to my Flickr page.

Wednesday, August 1, 2007

Grunke? Radke? Yup, those are Wisconsin boys

You've probably already heard that three boys in Cassville, Wisconsin, can't be convicted of attempted sexual assault because the victim was dead.

Instead of making some crass necrophilia joke that you've probably already heard from your local radio morning show, I'll just note that the family of the dead girl may still have a claim for tortious interference with burial, so the boys aren't off the hook yet.