Tuesday, July 28, 2009

Professionalism in Action

A local family law attorney, who shall remain nameless, uses a picture of Babs Bunny from "Tiny Toon Adventures" on the "About Me" page of her firm's web site.

Those of you with sharp pattern recognition skills may be saying to yourselves, "I bet this is the part where he says what would be worse, and then says what he would've done instead." Give yourselves a pat on the back.

What Would Be Worse: Tweety Bird with "attitude." I don't know when or why Tweety Bird became a mascot for the extremely obese, and yet it happened.

What I Would've Done Instead: Animated .GIF of Don Music banging his head on the keyboard. (Big Ups to you if you can find this .GIF somewhere.)

Friday, July 24, 2009

Sliming nostalgia

Les Lye, who played every adult character on "You Can't Do That On Television," died Tuesday in Ottawa. (Which is a sensible alternative to living in Ottawa. RIM SHOT!)

This is the time when a lot of my readers will think to themselves, "Man, 'You Can't Do That On Television' was awesome!" Those readers are advised not to watch any clips of the show on Youtube if they want their memories to remain fond.

I clearly remember one female cast member being the frequent butt of fat jokes. That's fine and dandy in grown-up shows with grown-up casts: after all, once you turn 18, you should be aware that the world is full of people who will say mean things about you for their own amusement, whether you deserve them or not. However, a different standard applies to preteens*. Especially if the show's writers were adults. Perhaps the show was in worse taste than it intended to be.

*Every time I write "preteens" I get an excuse to link to "Pre-Teen World," from a much funnier Canadian sketch comedy show.

Tuesday, July 14, 2009

Options to replace the retiring Car Czar

• The Car Pope
• The Car Commissar
• The Car Shogun
• The Car Junta
• The Car Archon
• The Car Ayatollah
• The Car Lawgiver
• Il Duce delle Automobili
• His Excellency President for Life, Field Marshal Al Hadji Doctor Car Administrator, VC, DSO, MC, Lord of All the Cars of the Highway and Trucks of the Road, and Conqueror of the Automotive Market in General and America in Particular
• Lord Humungus

Thursday, July 9, 2009

But things are still going well for Empire Man and Menards Guy

If you haven't spent substantial time in the Midwest or watched a lot of WGN, then the name Bob Rohrman probably doesn't mean much to you. But if you are a member of one of those demographics, you read the name "Bob Rohrman" and thought, "Hey, Bob ROOOOOOOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHRman of used car commercial fame!"

Well, Bob of used car commercial fame became suspicious that his wife was seeing another guy, and he's resorted to the archaic remedy of suing the other man for alienation of affection. This is the sort of suit you might have won before 1950 or so, but I would be shocked if he got his money's worth for this lawsuit.

I think Bob knows this. Many divorcing people think that a divorce order is supposed to be a judicial order that proclaims that you are a good person and your ex is a bad person, and they're willing to pay extra to make a futile attempt at getting such an order. Of course, in most occasions, if you're blowing through money in a futile attempt to get vengeance, that may, in fact, make you... a bad person.

Saturday, July 4, 2009

Not news per se, but I missed it in '02

Science has taken another step towards creating birds that don't sing until a reasonable hour and mosquitos that choke on human blood: they've developed goats that produce spider silk.

The method by which they do it has a lot of potential for pornographic parody filmmakers.