Tuesday, April 21, 2009

Some ways to leave your lover Paul Simon didn't mention

Flee from the state, Kate
Leave no forwarding address, Jess
Slip her a dose of arsenic, Nick
Wait for the extinction of the human race, Chase
Spend more time with your model railway, Jay
Replace your entire wardrobe with faded Spider-Man t-shirts, Mert
Come down with catatonia, Sonya
Try to make a difference in Palestine, Caroline
Tell her you aren't going to sacrifice your dignity by getting a job, Bob
Stop taking your Thorazine, Jean
Escape this dying planet in a space ark, Mark
Start hitting on girls on Ventrilo, Joe
Go stalk your ex, Rex
Become morbidly obese, Denise
Post on your Myspace pretending to be a friend whom you instructed to tell the world that you'd secretly been dying of a mysterious disease for months and didn't tell anybody because you didn't want to hurt them and you passed away in your sleep last night at the hospital and "I LUV U" was the last thing you said, Ned

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