Potent quotables

I am prone to the occasional bout of aphorismia, in which I come up with an idea and feel mentally compelled to refine it into the form of an aphorism. Such a bout occurred on my drive back from Boise yesterday, just after I went through Cascade. Here are the three products of that bout.

"Anyone who claims to be a free thinker is not a very deep thinker."

"This may be the first presidential election in which the candidates are promising us better weather."

"If there really are dick-waving contests, I hope they are judged not solely on length, but also on technical difficulty and artistic merit."

Those who do not study history are doomed to euphemize it

In this post I will briefly address a meme that I have encountered several times recently, and here are some links to prove that it is a real meme that people talk about in real life.

"Should You Need A License To Have Kids?" Rimjob, Daily Kos, Dec. 14, 2005 (attached poll: 186 say "yes," 111 "no," 17 "unsure")

"I hear horror stories all the time about child abuse and child neglect. I think it's quite possible that requiring a license to have a child would put an end, or at least minimize, these issues." Fanaile Essence, "Should a license be required to have children?" ProgressiveU, Nov. 12, 2006

"The requirements to get a “I can have a child” license should be simple. Each person must take a class- a parenting program (and pass a test to prove that they learned the material), pass a drug test, pass an IQ test, and give proof that they have a stable income for at least a year." Alaesme, License to Have Children, For Our Cultural Integrity, Dec. 31, 2006

"As it is now, any persons who conceive or give birth to children can do as they wish with their children until the children are sufficiently damaged to warrant the intervention of public social agencies under child abuse and neglect laws. We carefully screen adoptive parents. We require licenses for foster parents and for day care providers. But we have no standards for the biological parents of children. Those children are not protected until they are damaged. Then our interventions often are too late to be effective." Dr. Jack C. Westman, University of Wisconsin-Madison, "The Rationale for Licensing Parents"

I've heard examples of this idea from conservatives, too - I just haven't found links to them talking about it. Anyway, this isn't a new idea, as the following quote will show:

"…And there would be certain conditions of circumstances which would preclude parenthood. These conditions, the presence of which would make parenthood a crime, are the following:

1. Transmissible disease

2. Temporary disease

3. Subnormal children already in the family

4. Space out between births

5. Twenty-three years as a minimum age for parents

6. Economic circumstances adequate

7. Spiritual harmony between parents." Margaret Sanger, "The Children's Era," delivered March, 1925 (note: I don't think Ms. Sanger intended to say that having adequate economic circumstances would make it illegal for you to have children, but she was doing a public speech at the time and we all know that can be nerve-wracking and we can forgive her for making a mistake.)

Indeed, the idea antedates even Sanger, going back to a Victorian scientist and explorer by the name of Sir Francis Galton. He founded a particular school of thought that's been out of favor for some time due to its historical application, but perhaps it's ready for a comeback. After all, maybe "three generations of imbeciles are enough."

(I hope this post has subtly and tastefully addressed my position regarding this issue without being too obtuse.)

\m/

1. I have determined that the real-life band that sounds most like Spinal Tap is Deep Purple. They have similar fuzzy guitar work (compare the beginning of Purple's "Space Truckin'" with Tap's "Sex Farm") and keyboard parts. By the way, did you know that Spinal Tap invented the "devil horns" sign? Here's their explanation.

2. The good news is that I think all the insects in my apartment are dead. The bad news is that I think they all drowned.

SIR - I wish to make the following comments

The Times have now made available online all their back issues from 1785 to 1985, and they're more-or-less searchable. Head over to the archive, register (or not) and start looking. Here's a letter to the editor from 1911 explaining why women's suffrage is the road to dictatorship.

Addressing the root causes of the flea problem

Almost as soon as I moved into the temporary apartment, I noticed the bug problem. In this case, it was little tiny ones that jumped around whenever I tried to smash them. When I started finding bites on my legs, I realized that I was going to have to go to war with the fleas.

I went out shopping and returned with the mother of all flea bombs. Just pull the plunger, go to a cafe for the next eight hours, and all the fleas would be dead (and their eggs, too, for up to three months), said the label.

The next morning the fleas were back.

Fortunately the flea bomb came in packages of two.

I went a whole day without fleas, only to discover a scouting party of them yesterday. Are they getting reinforcements from elsewhere? I think so, and here's my evidence.

1. When I arrived in the apartment, I noticed a stain on the carpet and a lingering scent of ammonia.
2. There are not pets permitted in my apartment complex, but sometimes I hear meowing.
3. My apartment is on the ground floor and there are a number of cracks in the windows.

My theory is that the previous tenants had been hiding a cat in the apartment. When it came time for them to move out, they decided they didn't want the cat any more. (Alternately, and equally likely in this area, the previous tenant was arrested, sent his babymomma to move his stuff out, and babymomma decided she didn't want no cat.) They abandoned the cat in the neighborhood. Today, it's homeless, lonely, and flea-infested, wandering Moscow, looking for food and shelter. Occasionally it returns to its old home and hopes its owner will take it back - and the fleas jump from the cat into my apartment.

I might have to get me a cat-grabbing stick and the phone number of the Humane Society.

Moloch!

I'm sure some of you in my audience have heard of my favorite silent film, Fritz Lang's "Metropolis." Or maybe you've seen the anime it inspired or heard the Dream Theater album it inspired. Anyway, the plot is ridiculous, and would be greatly helped if the missing third of the film was discovered, but damn does it look cool.

What's that, you say? The missing third of the film has been discovered! Kino International is set to restore it and release it on DVD and Bluray next year.

In the meantime, let Satanic Robot Maria wish you a happy Independence Day.

This is the sort of tidbit that makes me appreciate Football Manager 2008

For the curious: my Forest side went on to beat Derby 4-1. (And I choked a little when I saw that the manager-version of me had recently turned thirty.)