Monday, June 15, 2009

I bet they have nightmares of the bird from the Trans Am hood decal attacking them

Do you remember visiting Grandma's house and finding her closet full of old boxes and coffee cans? Do you remember how she asked you to remove the wrapping paper on your Christmas presents very carefully so that she could re-use the paper next year?

Do you sometimes wonder what would happen if Grandma applied her Depression-fostered thrift to her car?

She'd probably post at Ecomodder, where the Bizarro "Big Daddy" Roths go to soup down their cars in an overzealous pursuit of gas mileage.

"But isn't that a laudable goal?" you ask. I guess you haven't clicked on the link yet, have you? Check their "65+ Vehicle modifications for better fuel economy," where you can learn how to drive happily without power steering, rearview mirrors, windshield wipers, or alternators.

Or perhaps you could benefit from one of their "100+ hypermiling / ecodriving tips to increase gas mileage." Here's one I'll be sure to try:

25) Pick up cargo "high", deliver "low"

If possible, shop at stores that are higher in elevation than your home. That way the extra weight you pick up (shopping items) is on board for the descending return leg where it's less of a penalty than it would be on an ascending return leg.

Maybe if crunchy-haired freegan chicks are your thing, then it's all worthwhile, but I think most guys would prefer the redheaded hot rod honey in fishnet stockings. (Me? I drive a Buick. I attract women over 35 like nobody's business.)

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