Thursday, August 13, 2009

A message from the Nampa Meridian Irrigation District

Listen up, everybody. Here's a puzzle to solve.

First, the facts.

Every year, young children, teenagers, and adults drown in Idaho irrigation canals.

Now, the question.

If you know that canals kill people, why would you ever go near a canal, or let someone you love get even close to a canal?

Take a few seconds to think about it. Your answer could mean the difference between life and death.

(tick-tock tick-tock)

Okay, here's the answer.

People drown in irrigation canals because they don't realize that irrigation canals are merciless, cold-hearted, murdering death traps that were erected partially to provide water, and partially to provide defense against invading Californians.

They don't realize how cold, swift, and deep the water is. The water may look like it's not flowing fast, but that's because it's actually flowing so fast that the human eye can't keep up with it.

They don't know that the chances of getting out of a canal are about... zero. The canals are filled with the angry ghosts of people who have previously died in them, and the spirits will drag you to the bottom. And when you die in a canal, you can't ever go to heaven. You become a canal ghost too.

Above: A picture of a canal ghost.

In fact, if you are in a canal, the rescuers won't even bother to try to save you. They'll just point at you and laugh while you are overcome by the hideous deluge.

They think it's OK for kids to go near canals as long as an adult is present. These people deserve it when their children die.

They ignore the cardinal rule of canal safety: If you see a canal, you should run screaming in the opposite direction.

But don't run so far that you fall into another canal.

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