Wednesday, September 23, 2009

Coming soon to Oprah's Book Club

Noted Internet autistic/OCD/generally weird guy Nick "Ulillillia" Smith, whose life consists mainly of eating cheese pizzas while sitting on the floor of his room, playing Sonic the Hedgehog and listening to the Baby Looney Tunes theme, has turned his life experience into a novel for the ages.

Well, maybe it's more like a screenplay. But either way, you can own The Legend of the 10 Elemental Masters in paperback for only $12.95.

Its opening passage is as riveting as they come:

May 27, 1999 at 4:07 UTC - 54 hours, 52 minutes remaining

Knuckles glides north 1500 feet above Lake Sakakawea at 800 mph following Highway 83. A small thunderstorm is somewhat visible to the south. The sky is 3/8 scattered with cirrus clouds and 1/8 scattered with altostratus clouds. The wind is 15 mph with gusts to 20 mph. A few small patches of snow in ditches, some with water, are visible but hard to see due to the speed. A 40-second pause in speech occurs while credits display on screen.

Knuckles resembles a human, but with differences. Knuckles is neither male nor female, though referred to as a "he". Three-quarter-inch-thick dark-violet-colored (FFA000E0) fur covers his entire body. He is only 25 1/3 inches tall, 4 inches wide, and 2.5 inches deep. Knuckles gets his name from his large hands, 40% bigger than a human his size would have. A reflective, glittery, greenish (FFA0FF00) haze half a millimeter across borders his pupil. Knuckles has no nose and a mouth 2/3 as big. Every other aspect of his is that of what a human would have for his size. For details on the numerical colors (in parenthesis), see appendix 5.

Will this be the first of a string of hits from Uli? Or will he retire from writing knowing that his first novel could never be topped, a la Harper Lee? Time will tell...

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