Wait, they have smokescreens in Assault now?

Yeah, I probably should've watched the new "American Gladiators" from the get-go, considering I spent many an hour pinned to the TV watching the original on USA.

So I tuned in tonight to see if I could catch a glimpse of the next Wesley "Two Scoops" Berry.

I just saw a Gladiator pull a guy's fingers off of a ring while snarling "This little piggy went to market." AWESOME.

And while Lace was by far the hottest of the original Gladiators, there are two total babes among the current crew - the aptly-named Crush and my new TV girlfriend, Beth "Venom" Horn. Insert snake-related pun here.

Snow day!

The university closed down today because of a snowstorm. This is my first snow day since 1999. Naturally, I went out and got some pictures.

Decisions, decisions

It's getting to the time where I have to decide the state in which I'm going to take the bar exam (and to which I will be chained for several years at least). I've narrowed things down to Idaho or Washington, and I think I know what I'm going to do, but I'm going to write it out here for my own benefit. Also, I'm looking to you, my audience, to holler at me if I'm making a decision which is obviously wrong, a la a contestant on "The Price is Right."

Idaho
+ Two metropolitan areas in which I'm hireable - Boise and CdA (jobs in the Southeast have been sewn up already by the Elect)
+ Smaller state means less competition
- But also fewer jobs
+ Recommendations from professors carry greater weight here
- Day 2 of the bar exam is my birthday
- No place to stay while studying for the bar
+ Cost of living is lower
+ Greater chance of working with (or against) friends from law school
+ A guy I know from high school lives in Mountain Home

Total Score: +3

Washington
+ Seattle metro area alone is bigger than Boise and CdA put together
+ And then there's the Portland suburbs
+ And Spokane…
- a.k.a. "Spokompton"
+ Bigger cities known for quirky lifestyle means greater potential for meeting girls
- Competition from UW, Seattle U, and Gonzaga grads
- Not a lot of UI alum around to pay attention to me…
+ …except in Spokane…
- …which has a higher murder rate than Seattle
+ Might be able to sponge off Seattle-based cousin until I get a job…
- …but he's got a newborn
- Won't know anyone else in the state…
+ …except in Spokane…
- …but I won't recognize them after they're horribly disfigured by meth lab explosions
- Higher cost of living
+ But bar exam is forty bucks cheaper
- My adequate MPRE score won't help me: Washington has its own professional responsibility exam

Final Score: -1

Looks like I'll get to work on an Idaho application, unless my Johnny Resumeseed act pays off with a job elsewhere within the next month.

Remember: "The Price is Right." Yell at me if I'm wrong. I bid $27,500 on my showcase.

Sound off like you got a pair

I have a couple of friends who used to teach English in Japan. If you guys are reading this... did you happen to come across this textbook?

Judicial quote of the month

From FTC v. QT, Inc.:

Defendants might as well have said: "Beneficient creatures from the 17th Dimension use this bracelet as a beacon to locate people who need pain relief, and whisk them off to their homeworld every night to provide help in ways unknown to our science."

I agree, the "open letter" is a tired gag

To the people at Steak'Ums and your associated ad agency:

Let me recite the words to the jingle you use in your advertisements.

You can stick 'em in the north, you can stick 'em in the south
But the best part of all is when you stick 'em in your mouth

I understand that you intended this jingle to inspire me to eat Steak'Ums. And I suppose that your jingle could be interpreted that way.

But, stripped of its context, don't you think your jingle is a little... odd? Did no one among you hear the jingle for the first time and snicker? Did no one among you run the proposed jingle past your children? Was there no one who said, "Guys, guys, wait a minute. This ad sounds like we're selling dicks?"

Perhaps I should applaud you for contributing to civilized discourse by avoiding such profane interpretations of your advertisements. But seriously, guys, get your minds in the gutter for once.

Note that fruit pies are not "snack cakes"