Sunday, February 17, 2008

I hate weekends

What kind of sane person hates weekends? I don't know. I'm clearly not sane.

Every weekend I feel like I'm in a nursing home. I wake up at eleven or so, not so much because I stayed up late last night but because I have nothing to wake up for. I have a choice between being bored at home or being bored at the gym, and usually I opt for the former because I don't have the energy to walk a block and a half to get to the gym, and besides, I'm too self-conscious to spend much time there.

Sometimes I try to eat an especially large lunch on the weekends so I'll be sleepy afterwards. Naps help the time go faster.

I can't do anything that'll cost me money, because I have to spend basically every penny I have on my bar review and application, the fate of which currently is in the hands of the clerks of the Dubuque County Courthouse. If they don't find my traffic citations from ten years ago within the next week, I don't get to take the bar.

I've had weekends like this for years now, but with the impending stress of transition looming over me, they're becoming almost intolerable, and I don't know what to do to make things different. Everyone says you're supposed to talk to a friend, but I don't want to burden them with my problems, which are most likely caused by a defective personality and can't be fixed.

Besides, it's the weekend. They're out enjoying themselves. I'd just rain on their parades.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

I have an extra big chip on my shoulder when I go to the gym--basically I am daring anyone to tell me I shouldn't be there, so I can retort that if I don't go, I will never look as though I don't need to be there. This never happens, of course, but it makes me feel better to have a reply at the ready.

Re: the weekends, I have nothing except a huge amount of empathy with the money issues (owning a house with shitty insulation in the winter is expensive! yeah, who knew). Hopefully this will be a temporary setback for us both. *hugs*

Oh, and [insert statement about counseling and med changes that you've heard a million times before from me].

Yeah that's all I got right now. I blame work for eating my brain.