Thursday, August 28, 2008

Let's all laugh at the crazy person!

Occasionally I find it comforting to note that there are other men whose relationships with women are more dysfunctional than mine. Not just guys like Andy, but I mean totally, completely bonkers.

In the past, I've relied on Christian "Sonichu" Chandler and his quest for a "BOYFRIEND-FREE GIRL" for entertainment, but
this gentleman might be even loonier.

His personal ad starts with something out of Mission: Impossible.
If you IM me having not done as instructed in this profile, you will receive the first of three standard messages identified as [Msg 1 of 3]. If you IM me a second time without having done as instructed, you will receive the second of three standard messages identified as [Msg 2 of 3]. If you IM me a third time without having done as instructed, will receive the final message identified as [Msg 3 of 3] and you will be iggied. Because, as a software engineer, I have automated this whole process, I generally do not read messages you send until you have done as instructed in this profile. So, you can receive Msg 1 of 3, Msg 2 of 3 and Msg 3 of 3 and be iggied without me ever having read a message from you.

Then he goes on to explain what he might say to you to charm you off your feet.
Hello, I'm busy, but give me your specs (age, height, weight, bra size)?

Worried you'll end up as a secondary wife? Well, let him assuage your worries away.
But in America it is illegal to have more than one wife. Well, I can easily prevail in a debate regarding that matter, but that is not my task here. Just suffice it to say, you cannot legally marry more than one wife where the state is the authority giving you permission to marry. I will not be asking the state's permission, for I am not under the authority of any man made government.

And then there's this sure-fire way to win a woman's heart.
Where the slave and wife are most similar is when they are given a command. In this instance, they are both to obey with all their heart, mind, body and soul with an enthusiastically positive attitude. They are to both obey because they love the one giving the command.

So if you're single, obedient, walk fast, eat meat, hate careers, are under 29, have small breasts, and enjoy the occasional bizarre, Ulillillia-type use of the passive voice, why not drop him a line?

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