Now that I've watched this video, I'm pretty sure I have seen the light. Only Tom Cruise can help me when I am hurt. Tom Cruise cannot be criticized in public because his mind powers overwhelm the lesser men. All my illnesses are in my mind, and Tom Cruise holds the key to unlock its secrets. In fact, you could go so far as to say that the entire world is but a figment of Tom Cruise's imagination, and we exist solely at his whim.
The rest of the epic story of Mr. Cruise is available (for now) here. And remember, Tom Cruise will show his enemies no mercy.