Friday, March 28, 2008

An Alien Debate


The meeting was called to order by ZAR-KOR. Present were Commander of Space Forces ZAR-KOR, Commander of Ground Forces LO-TON, and Commander of Earthling Intelligence ZIG-NU.

Discuss secondary targets for Destructo-Ray vaporization if Earthlings do not comply with initial demands. Primary targets were resolved in the Grand War Council meeting of Cycle 1337.

ZIG-NU proposed the destruction of St. Peter's Basilica in the Vatican State. He believed that destroying a monument of religious significance would discourage Earthlings from attempting to fight a "holy war" against the invasion force.

LO-TON opposed, stating that the Occupation Authority planned to install a collaborationist Pope. He recommended destroying Jerusalem instead. He believed that the city, if left intact, would remain a trouble spot for occupation forces.

ZAR-KOR stated that the area of potential insurgency in the Middle East was too large to vaporize with the Destructo-Ray. He proposed that a series of atmospheric neutron bombers be deployed to clear away resistance. ZIG-NU and LO-TON agreed.

ZAR-KOR proposed the destruction of the CN Tower. Its vaporization would hinder communications among Earthling forces and allow invasion dropships to land without aerial interference. The Tower was also Earth's tallest freestanding structure and its destruction would lower Earthling morale.

LO-TON objected that recent intelligence revealed that the CN Tower was no longer the world's tallest freestanding structure. It had been replaced by the Burj al-Dubai.

ZIG-NU opposed destruction of the CN Tower and the Burj al-Dubai. He said that "tallest building" was not an adequate rationale for using the Destructo-Ray. The next tallest building would then become the tallest, and the Space Fleet would have to go out and vaporize Taipei 101, the Sears Tower, and those giant dildo things in Malaysia. He proposed the destruction of the Great Pyramid, claiming the Pyramid could serve as a hideout for resistance fighters.

LO-TON agreed. The pyramid was one of Earth's most fabled structures and would help to sever the Earthlings' psychological connection with their pre-invasion past.

ZAR-KOR proposed further study of the pyramid. He stated that the Destructo-Ray was not designed for destroying pyramids, which are among the most stable geometric shapes. An engineering team would experiment. ZIG-NU and LO-TON concurred.

ZAR-KOR proposed destruction of EPCOT. He believed that the vaporization of a popular fantasy world would emphasize the reality of the invasion. Furthermore, the mirrored surface of the building would radiate the Destructo-Ray and cause maximum destruction with minimum energy use.

ZIG-NU objected. He said that ground forces had planned to use the complex as barracks.

LO-TON stated that intercepted transmissions from Earth entitled "Star Trek: Enterprise" indicated that Earthlings were expecting an attack on Florida and would be prepared. He proposed the destruction of Sydney Opera House. He believed that destroying the building might actually win over potential collaborators, as the people of Australia would be freed of its vast maintenance costs.

ZIG-NU objected to the destruction of a purely symbolic target. He proposed the destruction of Sydney Harbor Bridge. Vaporizing the bridge would hinder Earthling vehicle transportation without affecting Grebnulak hovercrafts.

ZAR-KOR agreed and stated that bridges in general would make good targets. He asked whether the Golden Gate Bridge would be an appropriate target.

ZIG-NU said that the Golden Gate Bridge would not be an appropriate target. The terrain surrounding it is too rocky for Grebnulak hovercrafts, so the invasion force may have to use the bridge.

The Call to Worship the Emperor sounded and the meeting was adjourned.

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