Is the Postal Service emo? I'm not sure.

News of the Mexican anti-emo riots has prompted me to sound off a little on their subculture, which, frankly, I don't know much about.

I know that the anti-emo catchphrase is "Cheer Up, Emo Kid." I don't agree with that. This is America, goddamnit, and the goddamned Constitution protects your goddamned right to feel any way you want at any time for any reason. As the protestors say "Dissent is patriotic," so I say to you now, "Misery is patriotic."

There's a certain coolness attached to rejecting the mainstream culture by being sad - this has been around for years and years. Don't believe me? Have a look at these lyrics: "They told me he was bad / But I knew he was sad / That's why I fell for / The Leader of the Pack. *vroom, vroom*" Or follow this link to listen to "Gloomy Sunday," which was written in 1933 and was banned in Hungary because holy shit is it ever miserable. Or read up on "The Sorrows of Young Werther," which allegedly inspired over 2,000 suicides in 1774.

On the other hand, emo kids aren't quite as sad as they would like you to believe. Trust me on this one. I know sadness. I'm on a first-name basis with sadness. I've been over to sadness' house and met sadness' parents. When you're really as sad as emo kids say they are, you don't go out and buy white belts and skinny jeans. You don't comb your hair into an improbable shape. You don't go to listen to the Postal Service. When you're that sad, you don't have the energy to do much of anything. You just lie around.

So basically I'm calling them all posers. But I'm OK with them being posers. They can continue to rebel any way they want. Soon there will be only one way left to rebel: conformity. And then I will be the coolest kid on the block.